Sharing some thoughts on my pregnancy experience

At time of writing, I am still very much pregnant, but by the time I post this and you read it, I will hopefully have given birth and entered the next stage of my life (editing update: I have! Read my announcement here). Everyone talks about how one’s memories of pregnancy and labour fade – otherwise you’d never do it twice – so I thought now would be an appropriate time to stop and reflect a bit on how I’ve found the whole thing. In some ways it’s been a lot better than I expected, but it has certainly thrown up some challenges I wasn’t anticipating.

This is going to be a fairly free-flowing post, where I’ll share the main things that stood out to me, in no particular order. No matter how prepared you think you are (or aren’t!), pregnancy is a really weird time that brings up a lot of tension points, opportunities to asses one’s principles and beliefs, and question one’s relationships with people and the world around us. One thing it definitely isn’t is easy. But knowing we’re not alone can offer some reassurance, and that ‘normal’ looks different to different people. I hope that by sharing my unique experience, I might help you come to grips and peace with your own experiences. Please do feel free to share/vent about/celebrate your own pregnancy experience in the comment section at the bottom of the post.

Disclaimer: Needless to say, I am not a medical professional, and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. If you’re feeling concerned about anything you’re going through, consult with your medical team.

Morning sickness

This is pretty much the first thing you think of when someone mentions pregnancy symptoms. Countless movies have the protagonist discover their pregnancy through morning sickness, and it’s likely something you’ll worry about having to hide from people. I actually had quite a different experience. Amazingly, I wasn’t sick a single time during my first trimester. I did however experience a fair amount of nausea, which was by no means limited to the morning. ‘Morning’ sickness is a bit of a misnomer, as it’s very common to experience it at any and all times of day. For me, it manifested in some unexpected ways, like travel sickness. I have never been travel sick, I’ve always been able to read in the car without the slightest concern. But even really early on in my pregnancy – the first few weeks – I noticed a change in how I handled transport. Suddenly a bus ride felt like an ordeal, and I had to stop even glancing at my phone. In daily life this made the trip to work something of a challenge. Even smooth train journeys were a nightmare – I felt too hot, sick, and just generally physically uncomfortable. On more than one occasion I had to break the journey and get off at an earlier station to cool off and recover myself. Thankfully I was able to adjust my journey a bit so I could leave later in the morning, working on the train en route, which helped with the worst of the mornings. But it’d often be similar on the way home. I wish I could say I cracked a solution to this, but I think it pretty much just subsided as I progressed through the trimesters. It still strikes me occasionally, so I’m still not quite done with it! My coping mechanisms were to make sure I drank lots of water, including during the journey, strip off my coat and jumper as soon as I got on, even if I started off a bit cold (I soon overheated otherwise), and to try to travel at times when it was less crowded. It made me feel super self-conscious being quite obviously unwell in public, but at some point you just accept reality and survival mode kicks in!

Another slightly unexpected place that seemed to trigger ‘morning’ sickness was in the shower. I think it must be something to do with temperature (even though I don’t have particularly hot showers), but I’d often find myself having to sit or even lie down, and abandon showers early because I felt so sick. Two-in-one shampoo and conditioner came into its own, as I was so worried I’d feel sick when I’d just put the conditioner in! Quick showers and making sure I was well-hydrated again seemed to help, but I can’t say I quite figured this one out.

Gas and bloating

This definitely gets a mention in the symptom lists, but I didn’t realise quite how major it would be, nor how early it would start! This is something I noticed in the very early days of pregnancy, and has continued to varying extents throughout the whole thing. Just weeks in I was struggling after meals, needing to undo my jeans and burping an unholy amount no matter what I tried to control it. For ages I couldn’t tell if I was getting an actual bump or if it was just bloating! I’ve always been a fairly gaseous person, so it’s not really surprising that this symptom struck me hard. But in terms of what actually contributed most to my feeling unwell during pregnancy, this was a strong contender for the worst symptom. As is the emerging pattern, I didn’t quite figure out how to ‘solve’ this one, but was just more careful about what and when I was eating.

Heartburn

Again, this is something I experienced prior to getting pregnant, but I wasn’t aware it was something I could expect to get worse during pregnancy. Boy was I wrong! I’ve now learned this is something a lot of pregnant people experience, and it can be incredibly uncomfortable. It got to the point where it was more than I could handle, so I asked my GP. I was waking up in the night with a burning throat, feeling ill from it throughout the day, and kind of dreading eating because almost anything and everything seemed to trigger it. Quite unhelpfully, my GP’s advice was to keep taking Rennies and prop myself up to sleep – things I was already doing. He informed me that there are medicines you can take, but to try to deal with it myself first. Even more than the bloating, this had me swearing off foods for fear of the hot consequences, and was starting to really grind me down. When I had my first in-person appointment with the midwife team, I mentioned heartburn in my general list of symptoms, not expecting them to really offer any new advice. To my amazement, the midwife immediately said she could recommend something to help, which was totally pregnancy safe and available without a prescription. Incredibly, this worked almost immediately, and I’ve been using it on and off ever since to control this rather unpleasant symptom. So the moral of this story is that if something’s getting you down, keep asking and you might get a helpful answer! And that midwives are great!

Nasal congestion

You’re getting a rather unflattering image of pregnant me so far as a hot, sweaty, burping mess. This entry isn’t really going to improve on that I’m afraid! Due to hormone changes, being pregnant can lead to a lot of extra nasal congestion. This has definitely been the case for me – I’ve had a snotty nose for literally months! Couple this with the membranes being more delicate leading to nosebleeds and your nose just generally being more sensitive, and the picture isn’t a pretty one! On top of all that, you can’t take most hay fever medication when pregnant (just nasal sprays, which I’ve previously found don’t agree with me), so you’re out of luck if you’re pregnant during a high pollen count. Perhaps the biggest impact this has had on me is on my sleep – imagine trying to sleep with a cold for months on end. You end up with quite a dry mouth and feeling dehydrated every morning, and it’s just another of the many things making sleep harder when you’re pregnant. But of all the symptoms, this one at least felt familiar, and was one of the easier ones to manage overall, even if that management was just having lots of tissues and a resigned acceptance.

It’s lonely

Being pregnant is an inherently isolating experience. It’s strange, because you’re actually starting to share your body with another living thing, but I’ve rarely felt more alone than I have whilst pregnant. Not in the literal sense – I’ve had an incredibly, wonderfully supportive partner who has gone out of his way to help me in any and every way he can. I don’t know how I’d have coped without his help and love. But no matter how supportive the people around you are, there are some things they just can’t do for you. Now I think about it, it’s a bit like Frodo and Sam (except that the ‘burden’ is something lovely not an embodiment of evil like The One Ring – hopefully!). Ultimately, carrying a baby is a task appointed to you, not one that can be passed on. The endless blood tests, the supplements, and most of all just the experience of what it feels like, are things you have to handle yourself. No one else can tell you whether you’re feeling the baby moving or it’s just gas, the paranoia of wondering whether what you’re feeling is ‘normal’, or take on the tiredness for you. They can reassure you, help you get through it, but they won’t be able to feel what you’re feeling or take that away for you. Coming to terms with how much responsibility sits on your shoulders as the birthing parent isn’t easy, and it kind of took me by surprise just how heavy this felt sometimes. But with supportive people around you, both in your family (chosen or otherwise) and in your medical team, it’s manageable. My best advice would be to just be honest with yourself and those around you about what you’re feeling. There’s no need to exacerbate the loneliness by feeling you have to put on a brave face all the time and keep it under wraps. Tell your partner, your friends, ‘I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed by all this/paranoid about the baby’, and let them help you however they can. They don’t need to have solutions, just having someone say ‘that really sucks, but you’re doing really well’ makes the world of difference. They can’t help you with everything you’re feeling, but they can help carry you up the mountain.

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Stay tuned for part two, and likely part three! On a personal level I’m finding it really interesting to reflect on what stands out to me about being pregnant, and I hope that, wherever you are in your pregnancy journey, reading about my experience is helpful in some way. Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in a comment – I’d love to have a bit of a discussion about what being pregnant is really like, how we’re prepared or not for this experience, and what we’ve learned. Thanks very much for reading!